Lessons for life

The fallibility of man is seldom a respected concept. The innate belief is that we are all perfect and we cannot fail. It is often spoken of as a curse. Nobody likes to fail. But we all do at one place or another. And yet, there is so much stigma attached to it. The society watches us. It gauges and measures our ability. Are you good enough? What's your worth in this world?

There is an uneasiness in every big step we take. Is it going to work or is it going to break? When defeat stares us right in the face, there is an irreconcilable reluctance to accept the outcome. How could this happen to me? I did everything I could. And yet I did not get what I wanted. A misplaced grudge against fate, destiny, God, man and maybe even animals. An urge to stop trying completely, going into a shell, fearing further failures.

I don't think the adage - prevention is better than cure - applies here. No one can really control the factors that go into what shapes the outcome. The secret is not of how not to fail. How we pick ourselves up when we fail matters more. For in that lies the ability to lead. A man who knows how to pick himself up from his failures knows what it takes to lift others from their failures as well.

I often wonder about the value of 'leadership skills' and the way it is nurtured. Leaders are not made. They develop. They are not the most talented. Neither are they the wisest. Nor are they the strongest. They are the ones who know how to dust off and get up. And in doing so, they know a thing or two about falling. And when they know that, they know how to motivate and inspire those who have fallen to rise and stand up once more.

I believe this is what our failures are for. To learn how to rise higher with each fall and in the process take a few others up as well. I don't think failure will tie me down, for now, I have lost the fear of failing.

A dog named Rocky

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who have had a pet dog and those who haven't had one. If you don't have one, go ahead and bring one home. That is one decision you will not regret. Dogs are amazing creatures, with high intelligence and emotional quotients. I would go on to say that they are humans in a merely different form. Recently, I came across a dog, which greatly resembled my dog, Rocky. Not just that, this one was so friendly with me that I felt it was Rocky in a new life. Reincarnation? Maybe, dogs remember their past lives.

Rocky was a dobermann pinscher. He came to my house because my sister used to pester my dad to have a dog. I was dead against having pets at home. Which meant that my dad would eventually get a dog. Rocky came from our carpenter's work yard. The first time I saw him, I thought "this dog is going to kill me one day". But I survived. Not that he tried. Anyway. Long story short, it turned out to be a life-enriching experience.

Dogs have a religion. That religion says, There is One and only One true master. Most dogs are believers. My dog was one as well. So, he listened to my Dad. The rest (which included my mom, sis, and our driver) were largely taken for a ride. With me, it was a case of sibling rivalry! I could not help it. He saw me as competition, a brother to wrestle with. He had quite a few friends in the kids from the school nearby. And he had one enemy. Tiger.

Tiger was the name given to the stray street dog. Now dogs are very particular about their territory and any intrusion by other dogs is seen as a sign of aggression. Rocky and Tiger had an uneasy LoC, i.e. our gate and the adjoining wall. It kept them from tearing each other apart. They did manage to get into a biting argument a couple of times resulting in a few rounds of injections and blood wounds. Thankfully it did not result in any complications.

Rocky was a very intelligent and comforting creature. In the initial days of his stay at home, we would barricade the kitchen and the puja room. He realised that those spaces were out of bounds for him and would not enter even after we had stopped barricading it. He would know exactly when to take the liberties and when to be the obedient hand/face licking dog. He could precisely gauge my family's mood and would act accordingly. There is so much more that could be said about his behavior. I could write on and on about it.

Everytime I think of Rocky I am reminded of happy times. His company was a pleasure. He was a sight to watch. A bundle of hyper energy. Jumping. Pouncing. Running around with a ball or his feeding vessel. Hanging his nose out of the car window. Profusely licking my palms. Ah, I miss him a lot. Cheers to my brother, friend and pet!

New Year Resolutions - What's your five?

Things to look forward to:

• Watching movies on DVD player :)
• Traveling and visiting new places
• Meeting people and making new friends
• Playing Badminton and TT
• Jogging early in the morning

Things to do:

• Get license for car and bike (atleast for the bike)
• Restart violin classes
• Read up classics and contemporary best seller’s
• Read up atleast Samkhya and Yoga philosophies
• Do a bit to improve environment and make home Earth greener

Things to not do:

• Laze around – the lying around and do nothing thing
• Delay filing of taxes and other torture procedures
• Junk and impulsive purchases
• Jumping signal on bike/ overspeeding on the road
• Delay payment of card/ phone bills

Things to improve upon:

• Implementation of Plans (atleast the short term ones) :)
• Paying attention to detail
• Increasing attention span and focusing on one thing at a time
• Prioritizing reason over emotion
  
• Financial planning and management

Equivalent Exchange - Law of Alchemy

Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain,
something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's First Law of Equivalent
Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world's one, and only, truth

But the world isn't perfect, and the law is incomplete. Equivalent Exchange doesn't
encompass everything that goes on here. But I still choose to believe in its principle: that
all things do come at a price. That there's an ebb, and a flow, a cycle. That the pain we
went through did have a reward and that anyone who's determined and perseveres will
get something of value in return, even if it's not what they expected
~ Alphonse Eric, Full Metal Alchemist

November Musings

at the birth of dawn, emerges the lazy november sun,
ah, sleeping until late in the morning is so much fun
and then there is bouts of that special afternoon shower,
silver beads of water glistening on a bright red flower

there is somethin' special 'bout the november sky,
gazing at it, you never know how time passes by,
the smooth touch of the gentle evening breeze,
makes you go silent and pass into a motionless freeze

shadows of outstretched branches, on a november night,
dance to the sweet tunes of the filtered moonlight,
the moon plays hide and seek with the passing clouds,
making you wonder what mystery the nightfall shrouds

Memories Of Hyderabad

The place where I hail from has this laid back culture which affords a distinct quality of laziness, unseen or unheard of elsewhere. Yahan pe sab kuch chalta hai. Sab kuch dhere chalta hai. Sab ke paas chai peene ke liye samai hai. Tension kyon lete ho yaaron, main hoon naa. This is the quintessential nature of a Hyderabadi. Good natured, lazy, Tom Sawyer like attitude to life. No qualms about wasting hours over a cup of tea, in the company of friends :).

Well I may be a wee-bit idealizing here. I have some really great memories of this place. Of the times I have bunked classes in school, only to climb a hillock, lie down and watch the airplane's land and take off from the adjoining Begumpet airport. Jobless. Yes, that is Tom Sawyer for you. I remember the zillion occasions I have had pani-puri in the worst possible places knowing all too well the impending bout of fever and cold it was going to cause. I reminisce of those summer mornings when before the scorching Sun rose up high in the sky, a lineup of gully cricketers displayed their wares to the rest of the street. I think of those clashes with grouchy neighbours, ever complaining about our favorite pastimes being a nuisance to their serene existence.

I remember pedaling up and down the Begumpet flyover for years, on my cycle. I remember going late to school each day, and being made to stand in the line for laggards. I remember imagining my hardy competitors in school to be aliens bent upon not allowing me to do better than them in exams. Weird, yeah i know.

Whenever I think of the land South of the Vindhya's, I am reminded of the plateau of the Deccan.

The Vigilante's Revenge

The case containing the ArmaLite-AR15 semi-automatic weapon hung on his shoulders as he slowly made his way up, to the top of the terrace. It was a breezy October night. The moon was completely hidden, covered behind the dark, rain bearing clouds. The menacing clouds that enveloped the entire sky spread a blanket of darkness over the city. Streaks of lightning kindled the sky with momentary flashes. It would soon start to rain. These conditions were ideal for the mercenary to execute his plans.

He had traveled a long way to reach the spot from where he was going to assassinate his target. As he made his way up to the terrace of the abandoned building, he started to mentally rehearse the entire plot. The timing had to be perfect, for the man he was going to gun down was no ordinary person. He was the final one in the list of four the assassin had vowed to eliminate. His quarry's death would initiate a sequence of events which would have serious ramifications for many powerful men around the globe. The plan to kill was immaculate and made to the last detail. There would be no leeway or Plan B, and above all there wouldn't be a second chance.

The assassin reached the roof top and laid down his assemblage in a dark corner. He slowly stretched himself to relax the tension that was building up in his muscles. His hand made its way to the breast pocket to retrieve the cigarette and match. As he struck the match, the flare of light revealed his scarred face for an instant. The scar on his left cheek was an old one, made by the slash of a sharp edged blade. Its manner of healing suggested that it had been there for a long time. The man who gave him that scar was going to die that very day. It was a vendetta to be redeemed long past its due date, with plenty of interest to compensate for the delay.

The man sat down and opened the case which contained the ArmaLite semi automatic rifle and its accessories. He took out the entire set and arranged the pieces of the potent weapon in order and started to re-assemble it. The weapon had not been used in a long time. And tonight would be the last time it would be used. He mounted the telescopic sight and the laser focus on top of the rifle and loaded it with a 30-round Stanag magazine. He then set the tripod on the parapet wall of the terrace and mounted the rifle on the tripod to get his elevation and bearings right. There would only be one shot to take and that would be directed to rip through the target's heart.

The rifle was aimed at a precise point on the marked door. The target would stand at the doorway for less than five seconds before entering a heavily shielded limousine, which would transport him to another secret location. Two guards would lead the way out of the house and protect him from the front, one guard each would stand by his two sides and two security personnel would complete the rear. However, the view from the top was not hindered by the presence of those security guards. This loophole was to cost the target dearly. The deep cloud cover provided by the soot colored sky ensured that the assassin's position was not given away. The man and weapon were camouflaged in black to keep them concealed from the roving eyes of the guards

The target was a man of sixty one. He had been a dictator of a gold-rich impoverished country. Under his aegis, his three military generals had engaged in full scale genocide. He had powerful friends, backers and supporters, whose names were secretly stashed away in the locker of an obscure bank. If he were to die prematurely, those details were to be released to the world by his trusted aide, causing heavy damage to all those implicated. A pact was made between him and the powers that be to shield him from the prosecution of law and protect him from his enemies. In return, those names were to be kept a closely guarded secret. It was through this arrangement he eventually gained asylum to a country which could not be reached by the justice of international courts.

It was half past nine and another fifteen minutes remained for the dictator to emerge through the doorway. The assassin sat by the side of the parapet wall. His palms and forehead were drenched in nervous sweat and his heart was beating at an incredibly high rate. He wiped off the sweat and took a few deep breaths to bring his thumping heart back to normal. The moment was upon him. He raised himself to a crouching posture such that his head was level with the telescopic sight. His fingers were around the trigger and his eyes were focused on one spot on the door marked by the red-dot of the laser beam. The hunter patiently waited for his prey to emerge from its lair.

At 9:45 p.m. the door opened and two guards stepped out to secure the front and then another two came through to secure the sides. The dictator came into view and stood right at the doorway, waiting for the approaching limousine to halt. At the same moment, the assassin, high on the terrace of the building, quickly re-adjusted the rifle to locate his target and squeezed the rifle’s trigger. The multiple bullets found their mark in the dictator’s heart. Not knowing what hit him, the dictator quietly slumped to the ground, motionless and dead. Pandemonium broke loose instantaneously. Shots were randomly fired in the dark by the guards and the call that the dictator was dead went out.

The sniper discreetly escaped in a four wheel drive while commotion reigned in the parallel alley. He reached the point on the river front where he was to rendezvous with his transporter. From there he was to be transported to the neighboring country, where he would hide for a while and then make his escape to obscurity, once the dust over the killing settled down. The boat he got into was a small motor boat with no room for extravagance. He settled down in one corner of the boat and watched as the distance between land and the boat began to grow. His mission was accomplished.

He remembered that infernal night when a group of militia had razed his village to the ground twenty years ago. On that day, he had been unable to put off the fire that had consumed his family and the village, while he stood humiliated in front of the dictator. For over a decade, he had fought for justice against a system built on corruption, power and wealth. When all efforts to punish the perpetrators failed, he had resolved to deliver justice all by himself. That task was now complete and the fire in his heart was finally doused.

Universe and consciousness

Did the Universe exist before I was born?
Will it exist after I die?
Did I create the Universe by becoming conscious or did the universe create me?
What is beyond this Universe?
What is time?
Is the Universe governed by order or by chaos?
What is the meaning of purpose?
Is reason, reasonable?
Are emotions only chemical concentrations in the brain?
Is there anything absolute?
What exists beyond duality?
Are there things we will never be able to find out?
What is the origin of man and when is his end?
What happens when man evolves, does he remain or does he become another species?
Are there higher levels of reality?
Is it possible to transcend time, space and duality?
Is immortality a reality of this world or any other worlds?
Is the Self, a real entity, or a hypothesis?

My Experiments with Coffee!

Veritably, Great Souls can afford to Experiment with Truth. But lesser mortals like me have to settle for more mundane things such as experimenting with coffee. I cannot access the philosophical realms of my mind, wherein lies the key to greater pursuits of human life. So, I have resigned myself to talk about a more trivial matter i.e. of my mad-scientist-like experiments with coffee. You might be a tad bit curious to know why coffee? The answer to this lies in the climatic conditions prevailing in my immediate neighborhood and the constant stream of 'You always look tired' comments.

Having heard and had enough of these lamentations about my perennial somniacal countenance, I decided to research on ways to keep myself alert and active. And guess what? The first thing I stumbled upon in my literature review - Coffee. Before going any further into my description of the problem statement, I should give you a background of my caffeine habits. As with everything else, there is a long history.

I don't quite remember when I had my first cup of coffee. What I do know is that there were two sparring groups in my house, the Caffeine Democrats and the Lactose Republicans. The former favored passing the law to introduce coffee into my system while the latter opposed such a move vehemently. Both sides had valid points to merit their case. For instance, the Caffeine Democrats argued saying, "Only cats drink milk". The Republicans were not left far behind, they countered with a reply, "Cats don't drink chocolate milk". The strength of the Republican's prevailed for a long time. Then came the mantra, "Change" and "Yes, we can". I wanted a change too. So I started favoring the Democrats and thus the law for "Caffeine in Sumanth's veins" came into existence. By then I was in junior college and the Republicans deemed me fit for coffee anyway !

Suffice to say, coffee was not by any means a significant contributor to my body's activity quotient. Now that I look back, I wonder if it was just coincidence that even then I was commented upon for having a lethargic and droopy appearance. Anyway, coming back to the description of the present malaise, the effect of a hill station climate coupled with my usual lazy, easy going attitude were earning me more accolades than the amount deemed decent. So I decided to do something to boost my activity levels. Having read a great deal about the merits of coffee for doing exactly this, I hit upon a plan to experiment with coffee. Instead of the occasional coffee, I started having 4 cups each day. Here is the gist of the results obtained so far:

Effect on Circadian Rhythm: For the uninitiated ones, circadian (circa-cycle; diem-day) refers to the daily biological cycle of the human body. There is a marked difference in my routine. Caffeine's effect seems to linger on for about 3 hours post intake time. I don't feel drowsy and there is clarity in my understanding. A few hours after my last cup, I feel extremely sleepy and drop dead asleep. My sleep is marked by more intense and deep sleep. I have little recall of my movements in sleep (something i remembered earlier)

Effect on reaction time: My reaction time shows improvement as measured in my TT games after a coffee. I can anticipate the ball path quicker although i still suck at TT in general :). During the post coffee period, I feel alert and experience higher levels of awareness of the surrounding environment. Concentration is higher in the usual office tasks.

There are a host of secondary effects as well which i shall reserve for another time. In the overall sense coffee seems to be showing positive effects. The next steps would be to study the "Reaction kinetics and post withdrawal symptoms pertaining to caffeine inhibition" :)

My half-gone shoe!

Ever since the time I set my eyes on you,
I made you mine without further ado,
you were fresh n bright and sprightly new,
I totally adored you, my precious Woodland's shoe

you protected me from dust and rain,
and stood by me through joy and pain,
I really trusted you, for you were totally true,
I'd have done anything for you, my darling shoe

on tough days, i was harsh with you,
and then sometimes, I was hurtful too,
but you never did mind my outbursts few,
I was blessed to have you, my committed shoe

and the passage of time took its toll,
slowly you lost all your body and sole,
I desperately tried to mend and fix you,
I was worried about you, my favorite shoe

now I see you lying here, faded and dying,
I am filled with sorrow and half-crying,
wishing I could do something to revive you,
without you I am incomplete, my dearest shoe

The cat on the front porch

My eyes caught a furry ball darting across the entrance of the flat I was moving into. The sight of a cat crossing my path on the very first day made me wonder if it was an ominous sign of misfortunes to come. The feeling was probably on account of having experienced an eccentric grandmother uttering scary happening's and then following it up with remedies for various maladies caused by strokes of bad luck. I quickly dismissed those thoughts as remnants of superstitions repeated by granny in those days of folklore and mythology.

All of this reminded me of my tryst with sinister creatures, which henceforth I shall refer to as Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind. The reptilian species, arachnids and feline races have crossed my path at different stages in my life. I hold the record for stamping a snake as a small kid, the ignominy of getting scratched by kittens during school days, and the embarrassment of suffering from a painful bite by an unknown creature in my final semester at college. Rest assured, I feel that my fellow species on this planet and I are irrevocably bound and intertwined in this journey of life. Therefore, the presence of this four legged critter was subconsciously accepted.

The cat at the front door had an eerily shiny fur coat. Its body was velvety black, with eyes resembling reflecting glass beads. The feline eyes wore the look of ultimate deception, like a femme fatale enticing her lover into a bond of irresistible desire. The black beauty had an alert pose, ready to make an instantaneous dart, like a cobra with its hood raised, waiting to strike down its enemy in a split second.

I was very much impressed by this creature of nine-lives. And after our initial acquaintance, I believe, she was equally awed by my presence :). Over the next few days, we treated each other like wary adversaries. At first, she would carefully watch me coming towards her, readily waiting to streak across while I would be readying myself for a feline pounce and attack. And then over time she got used to my approaching footsteps and stopped preparing for the final sprint of her first life :) . For my part, I slowly got over the fear of being scratched by yet another feline. I did not want a parable like 'Once scratched, twice shy' coming into use due to me.

Slowly, the cold in our relationship thawed. She became more friendly and I started to relax. On my arrival back from work, she would lead the flight of steps to my third floor abode. At each landing, she would stop and turn around to see if I was still behind her. And finally, she would drop me off at my door and head back to her ground floor resting spot. Once in a while, I would feed her tidbits of edible items. She would inspect the food items with great dignity and consume them only if it was deemed good.

Ever since the time I first met her, she has always remained a regal black feline, unlike her lazy counterparts. She has a way of her own. Going around the neighborhood, like a queen inspecting her subjects. I don't see her very often these days. Once in a while, I spot those shiny green eyes in the dark alley leading to my home and I know she is out there, bewitching yet another admirer.

This part fact-fiction short story, for whatever it is worth, is dedicated to Ruskin Bond, whose works I am presently reading.

After three years....

They had last seen and spoken to each other over three years ago. It was mutually agreed upon that their paths would never ever cross again. But fate is not without a sense of irony, is it? At the most unexpected time and in the least expected of all places, the impossible happens. And that is how they came across each other. This might prompt you to think of an appropriate closing, "..... and they lived happily ever after"

But this ain't a bollywood feel good movie or a hollywood mush-flick. There are no happy ending's in reality. Life is driven by selfish pursuits of egoistic individuals, the clash of which produces irreparable consequences. There is a way out at each stage. There is a compromise available at every point. But no. Vanity is more important than anything else. That alone drives and defines who we are. And so does everyone have to live with the choices they have made. Enough of this gyaan now. Lets get back to the story.

That day had begun very well for both of them. Vikram had just got off the call with his boss who had informed him of an upcoming promotion. Suraksha was about to get her first novel published. The editor of the book house had broken that news to her just a few hours ago, that morning. They were headed to the same place, the popular sweet shop on the corner of the main street. Both of them were celebrating for the first time in three years. Happiness and achievement are rare things in this world.

To be continued ....

ps: A statutory warning. I don't have a complete plot yet.

Improv Acting

Improv acting is a term i recently came across. It is a very interesting concept. There is a play and there are actors on the stage. But wait. Something important seems to be missing?

That something happens to be the plot. In this type of acting, the plot develops dynamically on the stage. Every character assumes some role and starts a dialogue. It is upto the rest of them to improvise on the situation and keep the dialogue open ended.

The idea here is to keep the dialogue going for as long as possible. One of the interesting elements of this kind of theatre is the need to be open minded and have a lateral thinking ability to respond spontaneously to a situation.

The idea behind such a thematic acting is develop skills of quick thinking, decision making and rapid assessment of situations.

Parthasarathy - My Lord, philosopher and guide

Happy Krishna Jayanthi :)

The Lord, the source of everything big and small,
The Lord, the strength of objects that stand tall,
The Lord, the power behind those who never fall

The Lord who has the fiery disc and the mighty mace,
The Lord who has a serene smile and resplendent face,
The Lord who presides over eternal time and infinite space

The Lord of unsurpassed will and unmatched might,
The Lord of the good men and what stands for right,
The Lord who causes the evil men to cower in fright

The Lord who holds the universe in his palm,
The Lord who tormented his mother's calm,
The Lord who played cowherd on the village farm

The Lord who set the commandment and the norm
The Lord who cleared the archer's mental storm
The Lord who showed the world his mighty form

The Lord who is sought even by men devoid of desire
The Lord who is always there to douse the mind's fire
The Lord who is never away from a calling dire

Dedicated to Mom - Awesome Song

www.youtube.com/watch?v=NovCNFS1O1M

Blink - Thoughts in a flash !!

I am reading this book called ‘Blink’ by Malcolm Gladwell. It is a book on decision making based on thin slicing, in common parlance often referred to as ‘split second’ decisions. The book attempts to investigate the ‘blink’ decision making phenomenon through a series of real life examples. It makes a case for quick decision making as an acquirable ability. I guess I need to read the book once more to get a firm understanding of the idea it conveys.

The book has however set my thoughts rolling on a hypothesis for decision making. Decision making is a circumstantial act. But it’s driven by a lot of factors which occur before and during the event itself. I can think of the following drivers for decision making: genetics, experience, environment, priming and improvisation.

The base template for our decision making lies in genetics. By genetics, I refer to the long line of traits, characteristics and attitudes we humans at a fundamental level and individuals at a specific level have acquired from our ancestors. They store the combined experiences of actions which have enabled survival and also the instincts which sense danger. The disparity here has to do with the level of experiences and difficulties our ancestors faced. Our genes store the broad framework for the way we are ‘expected’ to act. This sets the starting point. But genes alone are not the deciders. There is interplay between genetic information and external environment. Modifications to genes based on information acquired in one generation are likely to be embedded in the succeeding generations. This sets the process for sequential learning which is overwritten, modified by more recent generation’s experience. I am tempted to call this a ‘genetic moving average’

The second important factor is environment. By environment, I refer to the condition in which we have grownup. Our family values, social circle and people influencing our life are some examples of the environment. This shapes the context in which we base our decisions. Environment plays a particularly important role in childhood, teen and youth periods of life. That is the time when impressions are developed, stereotypes are built and mindsets reinforced. What we decide during this period about ourselves and the rest of the world forms the basis for the way we see the world and the way we want the world to see us.

The third factor is experience. Experience refers to specific significant events which shape our outlook. Over time we have experiences which impact the way we see a similar situation. Inherently, we acquire the idea that a similar event is going to have a similar outcome and we start making decisions accordingly. This is why bad experiences are more often than not termed as psychological scars for the imprint they leave. A lot of times, this results in people expecting life to turn out in a particular way and eventually that’s what they end up getting. It’s not so much as life is such and such. It is more like, I did this and this happened as a consequence.

The fourth factor is priming. Priming refers to an immediate event which precedes the time of decision making. It is a situation which alters the state of mind and sets different expectations from the event at hand. For eg. a bad start to the day gets you into a mode where you start to see bad things happening for the rest of the day. This makes you have a foul mood which only makes things worse off. Or you witness something which keeps you expecting for that to happen to you. They dont have to be a conscious effect. Priming in most cases are subconscious influences but because they are the most recent in memory, the decision is most impacted by the priming.

Finally, coming to the fifth factor i.e.improvisation. Improvisation refers to the actions which are enacted while the event is in progress. These actions are the sum total of all the other factors embedded in a person acting in consonance with the reaction of the counter-agent (which maybe another person, environment etc.). What this means is that your response is shaped to match the ongoing response from the counterparty. For eg. the way you drive on the road here in India is not entirely rule based. It is more an act of improvisation. You see how the person ahead, on the side and behind you is driving and anticipate their next position and automatically evaluate where you ought to be. All this is done subconsciously. This is done dynamically by each person by evaluating future positions constantly, so much so that you know intuitively as to when to brake, when to accelerate etc. When one person messes up the dynamic evaluation, you know what happens.

In conclusion, what we do is based on many things and how we decide is based on many factors. While we tend to simplify and say such and such is the cause and so is the effect, decision making happens as a complex web of interactions which cannot be broken down into parts. The next time you want to attribute a cause or blame, make sure you think through the situation in its entirety :)

The haunting question

I was having dinner this evening and it so happened that an old man selling his wares came to hawk his items to those present there. He was carrying some packets of biscuits and chips and earnestly pleading with people over there to buy something saying he was out of money for dinner. It was quite clear from his face that he had not eaten properly in a long time.

Sad part was no one in that place including me were willing to buy anything. Mostly out of lack of any necessity and also because of the fear of eating some low quality stuff whose source we are not aware of. That old man was almost in tears. He came to the hotel cashier and begged him to give something to eat. But nothing happened even then. I was eating all this while and watching him doing nothing. Actually I felt nothing all that while. Then while leaving, he looked me sorrowfully in the eye and then looked at my plate and left without a word.

I did not need anything to be told any louder. It struck me then. No man should lose his dignity and self respect over food. Feeling very guilty about the whole thing I wanted to go after him and give him some money to eat. By then he had moved a couple of places ahead and was standing in front of a couple. They were giving him some money. I got to see what they had given him. One rupee. That man was respectfully placing it away. I had the biggest lump in my throat seeing that. What can u get for one rupee these days. In my eye that was the ultimate humiliation to suffer.

I went to him and gave him a 20 rupee note hoping it would be enough for that night's meal. Definitely nothing to help him for life. But it kind of made me feel and ask a lot of questions about life. Why do some people suffer more than the rest? Why are some born the way they are? What is the point of this living? Yes. there is a law of karma. And probably thats what drives everything. But it is one hard fact to digest that while one man makes a killing, the other man is killed trying to earn.

The Life of Drudgery

By the window, I stand and stare,
watching wearied traveler's full of care
forlorn creased brows they wear,
living their life, like a daily nightmare

for some, it is the life they choose,
for others it's something they cannot refuse,
whatever maybe each one's excuse,
there is little to win and a lot to lose

you are too busy writing your own tragedy,
furtively watching a trippy censored comedy,
soulfully listening to yet another hyped up melody,
mournfully contemplating that life's just a parody

and so will your time come to pass,
doing the usual things, and following the mass,
when all this will be seen through the looking glass,
it will appear to be an unbelievable farce

of what worth is this life which is so rare,
when you don't have the time to stop and stare?
at the infinite bounty nature has to share,
and feel the rain and breathe the fresh air

The thing about conference calls...

The first time I sat through a conference call i was quite amazed and overawed by the setting. A group of people sitting on either sides of the call. Round table. Possibly, men in suits and speaking sophisticated terms. Part of big institutions we hear about in the news. There was a thing about conference calls that made me nervous.

Here were two groups of people, probably never seen each other before. Maybe they had spoken or prior occassions, maybe not. I don't know. Sitting through the call, I used to watch the seniors talk, make gestures, type out things to be spoken and those not to be spoken. I am sure similar things happened on the other side as well. Mind you this was a teleconference call. Not a video enabled one. So, one did not know what the other side was doing. Were they sleeping. Did they understand the message. Was their reaction positive? The only thing available was the voice and tone. Ok.. i know. Not too many people will think so much about a small matter. But for me, feedback is essential. Is my communication accepted? Am I getting my point across consistently? What is their perception of me? None of this is possible without visual aids.

More than this, i used to wonder how people could talk into the phone and at the same time be monitoring what other people had to say. How did they stay focussed without losing continuity. I know my answer now. Practise. Since the time I sat through the first call, I have moved on to participating more. I know a little more about how fast i should be. How to evince feedback and know more about audience attention. When to pause. Those little things which go unnoticed.

More than all this, i have conquered the fear of having to face unknown people. I guess, all this is a part of growing up. There was a time when I used to shiver to read news in front of the school assembly. Now i don't fear con calls.

I-touch

My first gadget craze :P

got an i-touch! Unlike me, the material conservative. It has really cool features. Will put everything in its genre to absolute shame. Has a really sleek body, a metallic + steel finish. Wifi enabled which means i can access u-tube, mail, news, weather, browse etc etc.... Next on line is HTC with android once it is launched in India. Hopefully by then 3G will be up and running in India.

news from this side :)

I have lots of things to say here in this post :). So much so don't know where to start. Life goes in cycles much like a lot of other things. Sometimes, there is a recession as well. But for most part, it is a happy journey. And why not. The power and will to be happy is entirely in our hands. Sometimes, everything seems to work right, at other times it just feels like nothing right can happen.

Whatever happens, I have come realize, it is important to stay put with the task at hand. Fire and ice. The burning desire to achieve your goal and the ability to do it in a calm and composed manner. That forms the core of my motto as of now. will. the strength and courage to do what it takes to get there. perseverance. To go on trying without feeling lost.

Updates. Lots of it!! I have moved to a new place. It is compact, more like a hostel room. I like it here for now. It has a neat little sit out with a good evening breeze blowing. Next, I have got a bike!!! yea, well only a guy can understand this excitement. A conscious decision to conserve cash on auto, after a year of getting ripped off. Then, I have joined violin class. This was a long pending action but finally it has taken off. So far it has been good. Have to see where it goes!

Hopefully if I dont flunk in the D/L test for 2/4 wheeler, that should be another achievement as well :). Lets see how things go from here on....

Philosophically Random !!

Well, a bit philosophical, random and arbit at the same time :)

with each day arrives, a chance to rise and shine,
from ashes reborn, to illuminate the family line,
blessed are those who tread the path divine,
and humble are they who hold high, the sacred sign

obeisance to thee vAyu, the wind that steadily blows,
praise to thee Agni, the fire that brightly glows,
salutation to thee varuna, the waters that rhythmically flows,
adoration to thee, Atman, the immortal which rarely shows

the first being manifested all this by self sacrifice,
whence from man came into the world with virtue and vice,
immortality was promised to the self which defies,
purpose of the works was understood by the wise,
all of which resulted in the breaking of worldly ties

from then on was the path of all taken alone,
to each one, the light from the heaven shone,
while the journey was forever unknown,
there was always a marker and treadstone,
guiding the lost to one's self image own

Sometimes, when I wonder

shrug, sigh, wonder why
what's beyond the yonder sky,
mercury, venus, moon and mars,
countless galaxies and infinite stars

shrug, sigh, wonder why
forever thinking about who am I.
the immortal self that dwells within,
or the body clad with an aging skin

shrug, sigh, wonder why,
there is a strong desire to run and fly,
from the farthest mountains to the sea
to fulfill the purpose of being born free

shrug, sigh, wonder why?
a rekindled spirit to touch the sky,
a renewed purpose to rise and shine
with an intent to redraw the broken line

shrug, sigh, wonder why?
when cometh the day I die,
everything with a beginning has an end
except the one without a second

Lessons from a few readings

Of late, I have been reading books on time management and self development. It appears to be helping me with prioritizing my goals and also with developing my sphere of influence. There are two concepts, one from each area, which i feel is immensely helpful to keep you doing the right things at the right time.

One of the essential items in time management is to make a written list of all things that need to be done each day. Start off each day by working with the item which is considered most tedious or difficult but the completion of which is important. From the list, identify the top 3 things you want completed and work towards finishing it fully. Completing a difficult thing upfront is very motivating. It is the first level of satisfaction or fulfillment. A difficult task needs to be sliced and diced until it can be broken into simpler sub-tasks and taken up one by one to complete. That way, the overwhelming thought of not being able to complete a huge task is replaced by working on finishing smaller tasks and achieving them.

In the area of self-development, a key attribute is being pro-active in outlook. Now, this holds true for situations in life as well. The idea of being pro-active is to take responsibility for outcomes. In contrast, being reactive would mean to assign causes of outcomes to the external environment. The need to be pro-active is very important. I am coming to realize this. The idea here is the level of control or influence one has in managing a situation. A proactive person would look at a situation as a consequence of his own actions rather than the intervention of the environment. A reactive person looks at a situation as a making of external factors outside his control. Therefore, a proactive person takes responsibility for failures. That forms the first step in identifying the areas for improvement. On the other hand, a reactive person is a product of his environment. Failure is assigned to external factors, and mistakes are on everyone but him. This is taken more as a justification for having failed. While a proactive person looks at every situation with a view of self-improvement, a reactive person looks at it with a view of rationalizing his present state of existence.

Will

The Will to do what is right,
The Will to take on insolent might,
The Will to stand down in a fight,
The Will to hold arms tight,
The Will to hold all equal in sight,
The Will to stay on the path of light,
The Will to get through the night,
The Will to take to flight

Spring

as the winter's frost fades away,
the temple bells herald a new day
waking nature up from its hibernation
nudging it to life with silent invocation

here approaches the king of seasons,
a time for the heart to sing without reasons,
here approaches the pleasant spring
and all shall hail the return of the king

clear blue skies adorn the new dawn
and nightingale's sing on spring's first morn
the forest is brought to stand on its feet
watching the peacock dancing to the beat

the sun shines bright with rays ever so warm
lighting up the day with its magical charm
a cool breeze blows on a moonlit night
bringing eternal joy and wondrous delight

Chinamer

I was thinking about the recent mergers and acquisitions between various financial institutions on Wall Street. One can make a similar argument in the case of China and America. Lets see. China is good at savings, investment and production. America is good at spending, consumption and innovation. Why not merge these two countries?

That way, the bad assets on the balance sheet of America i.e the US Federal Reserve can be absorbed by the Chinese and the goods produced (i.e. the measure of level of unemployment) by the Chinese can be absorbed by America. Neat solution to avoid the problem of currency, deficit, reserves, free trade, WTO etc etc. The North American region will become the state/ province of Western Chinamer while the Asian China region will become the state/ province of Eastern Chinamer. The political systems in each of the provinces will remain the same as it is now. The financial systems will remain the same as well. The citizens will get dual citizenship but they will not be allowed to immigrate geographically. McDonalds and Starbucks will continue to goto China. Noodles, textiles and toys will come to America. There wont be any recession for a long time.

By the time the next recession comes, India will be ready to merge with Chinamer. That way recessions will be perpetually tackled on Earth. Then we can think of space colonies! Ah damn my imagination. Huh. On second thoughts, 'Chimera' seems to be a better name.

The Indian Economy is different

The Indian economic engine is distinctly different from economies of the past and the present. This is not so by design. It is largely circumstantial. Despite laboring under the heavily clad vest of bureaucracy, the pace of growth continues to be robust. Yes. It is not racing like the Chinese hare or floundering like an African snail. The tortoise goes at its own pace. It draws itself into a shell and shields itself at times of danger. When the danger passes, its head and legs emerge out of the shell, to restart the journey. A tardy pace of economic progress is the price the tortoise has to pay for carrying the weight of the shell.

The fall of consumerism

I get spammed incessantly on the phone with offers for free credit card, free sim card, free insurance, free this, free that. Bah! Then there is the SMS spam. Download this ringtone, listen to our astrologers, play these games, blah blah. I hate this kind of marketing. Promotional campaigns about products which I dont need.

I see this type of consumerism as a societal malaise. Consumerism is the consumption of beautifully wrapped and lavishly marketed useless products. It has become the bane of modern economy. Profligate spending on meaningless items backed by a thrift system seeking to make a quick buck. How can this be a sustainable approach to human progress and welfare development? All one does here is create catchy phrases, colorful wrappers, and loads of marketing BS. Is this business innovation? Is this a business model? Does the product serve a requirement. Nothing. A wasted creativity on a wasted product on a wasted purpose.

The present crisis has brought to the fore, the issue of consumerism. As discretionary spending is replaced by necessity spending in the recession and slowdown economies, the markets will temper consumerism with a measure of sensibility. Brands will most likely be replaced by their cheaper generics and product substitution (particularly in the case of electronic goods) will decrease.

Obama Mania

Just because a man is halfwhite-halfblack, halfcross-halfcrescent, halfamerican-halfkenyan, he does not become the Narasimha avatar everyone seems to think he is. Barack Obama is the man. Jon Stewart of the Daily Show had to say this hilarious thing about Obama's pre-election trip to Germany, "There is something strangely familiar about a charismatic leader drawing huge crowds of German's to the Central Square" obviously alluding to another such 'leader' who caused extensive damage to his supposedly superior race and the rest of the world.

I dont have anything personal against Obama. I think he is a very idealistic guy and has leadership capabilities good enough to inspire and unite the Americans during this time. My concern is that people are considering him to be a once in a million year phenomenon and expecting him to do something impossible. Lets face it. Obama is the sum total of all hopes expressed for change. In fact, his very unique background is a testament to the fact that people want something different.

But,
1. Does different here necessarily mean good.

2. How much different is Obama's change going to be from the past.

Musings at midnight

My blogging frequency has gone awry. Now I wish I had not deleted the earlier posts I had in a different blog. They would have served as a good memory for renewing my blogging. However, no regrets. What is in my hands is the present and I am happy to use that to shape my future. Also, I am sure that once i get back to blogging, I will recollect my earlier posts sooner than later.

So, whats going on in my life right now. I am acutely aware that I am a half man half boy right now. seriously. thats the way you feel at 25. The boyhood in me makes me behave rashly and immaturely at times and the manhood in me makes me realize and learn from experiences. Sometimes I wonder what is the point in growing up if all it does to you is make you dull and dumb and monotonous. The routine starts to grow on you and kill the spontaneity. People treat you as an adult and expect you to be all understanding and all prepared to take on the world. I am still a kid at times. I like to be so. Thats were the fun lies.

Its pretty much life at the half way stage. A general lack of direction. I sometimes wonder if I were Alice tumbling down the hole. I come to the cross roads and see roads going in different directions. I dont know which one to take. I dont know where I want to go. Just a curiosity to know where each road leads to. However, the Cheshire cat reminds me that if i dont know to what end I am heading to, then it does not matter what road I take. The answer sounds appealing but i am still not convinced. Everyone around me seems to know which road they want to take, almost as if they were aware of the end destination they are headed to. But i know that they have taken the road based on how far of it they can see. They dont know where they are going either.

Many memories of childhood race through my head. It is not nostalgia. It is not about happy days and memorable days. When there is a lot of change in you, you become acutely aware of the past. You keep seeing distinct snapshots that remain etched in your head for all times to come. They are always there to remind you of incidents and circumstances that have made you the way you are today. Sometimes you wish things would have been different. At other times you just want to keep it from rising to the surface and overwhelming you. And then a general sense of calmness prevails.

Fire - As it is

This one is to illustrate how different people tend to perceive the nature of fire (as a personification of both good and bad)

the invisible force asked the kid, "who am I?"
and the child exclaimed, "you are the golden orb lighting up the sky"
"very true", replied the inner essence of the sun,
"i watch you playing all day and having fun"

"recognize me?", asked the invisible force of the forest fern,
and the tree yelled, "Oh No!! here comes the one that makes me burn"
said the force then, "surely, you must know, that was never my intention"
cried the tree, "whatever you might say, you bring forth my destruction"

"do u know me?", asked the invisible force of the lady of the house,
said the mistress, "you are the heat that cooks what is unripe",
"quite true", responded the invisible one,
"I help you prepare the food that everyone likes"

Everyone exclaimed in unison, "pray tell us who then are thee!"
the invisible force answered, "fire is me"
"i am to you, what you want me to be,
of my own, i have no nature"

I am the fire that lights up the funeral pyre,
I am the fire that is invoked by the holy sire,
I am the fire that burns with consequences dire,
I am the fire that fills up the heart with desire

Color Psychology

I recently read this article on the impact of colors on human thought. It so happens that colors have some effect on the way people think. According to a study published in the journal Science, the color red boosts attention to detail in tasks such as memorization, while blue encourages creativity.

I was curious to find the effects of other colors, including yellow, as it happens to be my favorite color.

Here is what some prominent people had to say about different colors:

Black: Black is real sensation, even if it is produced by entire absence of light. The sensation of black is distinctly different from the lack of all sensation. -Hermann von Helmholz

White: White...is not a mere absence of colour; it is a shining and affirmative thing, as fierce as red, as definite as black...God paints in many colours; but He never paints so gorgeously, I had almost said so gaudily, as when He paints in white. - G. K. Chesterton

Red: Red has guts .... deep, strong, dramatic. A geranium red. A Goya red ... to be used like gold for furnishing a house ... for clothes, it is strong, like black or white. - Valentino

Blue: Blue color is everlastingly appointed by the deity to be a source of delight - John Ruskin

Green: Green, which is Nature's colour, is restful, soothing, cheerful, and health-giving. - Paul Brunton

Yellow: How wonderful yellow is. It stands for the sun.- Vincent Van Gogh

Melancholia

the filtered day draws to a close,
and the mind goes into a tailspin morose

a deep sorrow veiled behind a smiling face,
wishing for better times, as the heart slows in pace

moments of despair follow moments of pain,
a memory of happiness is all that remains

a silent prayer in the middle of the night,
to bring back from the shadows, the source of light

a worn down spirit passes into effortless sleep,
with thoughts of tomorrow's promises to keep

a new day begins to dawn once more,
with hazy eyes staring at the empty floor

Self Perception

Most of the times when someone is confronted with the 'tell me about yourself' question, the context is largely a formal or social situation. Also, the focus in such cases is on presenting our best self, and not necessarily our true self. It is very seldom that we introspect on our own character, nature and beliefs. I have tried to do this and this is the way i perceive myself.

I am neither a philosopher, nor am I a fool,
I belong somewhere in the middle school

I am not a writer, neither am I a singer,
Nor am I a soothsayer or death’s harbinger

I am seldom to be found making the news,
But I surely do have my share of views

Sometimes I collaborate, sometimes I compete,
Sometimes I conquer, sometimes I concede

I am mostly warm and gentle and calm,
But at times I turn into a raging storm

I believe there is a Grand Author writing the plot,
picking names for all the roles, by drawing a lot

I think it is better to make thoughtful amends,
than take hasty decisions in a matter of seconds

I see life as a game of chance,
At times you cry, at times you dance

I believe that love and forgiveness go together,
When one is absent, you will not find the other

I think that of all sights and sounds,
Sleep and silence are the most profound