Musings at midnight

My blogging frequency has gone awry. Now I wish I had not deleted the earlier posts I had in a different blog. They would have served as a good memory for renewing my blogging. However, no regrets. What is in my hands is the present and I am happy to use that to shape my future. Also, I am sure that once i get back to blogging, I will recollect my earlier posts sooner than later.

So, whats going on in my life right now. I am acutely aware that I am a half man half boy right now. seriously. thats the way you feel at 25. The boyhood in me makes me behave rashly and immaturely at times and the manhood in me makes me realize and learn from experiences. Sometimes I wonder what is the point in growing up if all it does to you is make you dull and dumb and monotonous. The routine starts to grow on you and kill the spontaneity. People treat you as an adult and expect you to be all understanding and all prepared to take on the world. I am still a kid at times. I like to be so. Thats were the fun lies.

Its pretty much life at the half way stage. A general lack of direction. I sometimes wonder if I were Alice tumbling down the hole. I come to the cross roads and see roads going in different directions. I dont know which one to take. I dont know where I want to go. Just a curiosity to know where each road leads to. However, the Cheshire cat reminds me that if i dont know to what end I am heading to, then it does not matter what road I take. The answer sounds appealing but i am still not convinced. Everyone around me seems to know which road they want to take, almost as if they were aware of the end destination they are headed to. But i know that they have taken the road based on how far of it they can see. They dont know where they are going either.

Many memories of childhood race through my head. It is not nostalgia. It is not about happy days and memorable days. When there is a lot of change in you, you become acutely aware of the past. You keep seeing distinct snapshots that remain etched in your head for all times to come. They are always there to remind you of incidents and circumstances that have made you the way you are today. Sometimes you wish things would have been different. At other times you just want to keep it from rising to the surface and overwhelming you. And then a general sense of calmness prevails.